Big Day
by LunaJay07
Summary: As the hour draws closer to the Big Day, Kendall's mind races with flashbacks of him and his best friend. Will Kendall let the ceremony happen, or will he find a way to stop it? Kendall/James Disclaimer: I dont not own Big time Rush
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note:** This is my first Big Time Rush fic. It's a five part one shot. Hope you like it. Italics are flashbacks.

**Part I:**

_"Kendall?"_

_Kendall looked up from his Guitar where he was strumming a few notes, trying to work on a new melody he couldn't get out of his head. He and James were the only ones home at the time where Logan and Carlos had gone out to get groceries due to the emptiness of the fridge._

_"Yea, James?"_

_"Can I- um- confined something in you?"_

_"Of course, James. What's up?" he said looking back at his guitar, strumming a few more cords, writing down the arrangement as he waited for his band mate to continue._

_"I think I'm gay."_

_Kendall's head shot up at this, "Gay? As in you like- dudes?" he responded._

_James was looking at the ground, but he nodded silently._

_"That's great!" Kendall answered honestly, happy to support his friend. "Congratulations?"_

_James laughed at this, "It doesn't bother you?"_

_"Why would it?" Kendall shrugged._

_"Well I'm not completely gay, exactly," James tried to explain further. "I still like girls."_

_"So you're bi," Kendall clarified._

_"I guess. It's still kind of weird. You know?"_

_"Well, I'm here for you, Buddy."_

Kendall smiled thinking back at the memory from several years ago as his eyes landed on one of the many photos of him and his band mates from the past seven years. This one in particular was a photo of the four of them fooling around in their old apartment back when they all lived together at the Palmwoods. It still amazed him how much had changed over the years, yet their friendship was stronger than ever.

He glanced at himself in the mirror, sighing at the ridiculous suit he had to wear, "Who ever came up with this tradition should be shot!" he groaned, trying to straighten out his bow tie, though a smile crossed his face as he pictured his best friend wearing the same attire. James always looked good in a suit. He looked good in everything.

Kendall startled as he heard the front door open, before slamming shut, "Hey Buddy, you ready?" Carlos's voice echoed through the halls of the small apartment, which to Kendall, all of a sudden seemed to be getting bigger and bigger all of a sudden. "We're going to be late!"

"Be out in a sec,' he called out, his eyes still on his reflection starring back at him.

He glanced back at the photos, a faint smile crossing his lips at the memories, "I guess today's the day," he said to himself before gathering his keys and wallet from his dresser and walking away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author note: **thank you guys so much for reading! Hope you like part 2!

**Quick questions: **I'm new to the BTR fandom (i've written for lots of other fandoms though (Jonas Brothers, Harry Potter, McFly)) and I have an idea for a new BTR fic.

So, which pairing(s) is your favorite?

and what kind of BTR fics do you like to read (action? comedy? Smut? Mpreg? Drama? Romance? Other?)

**Part II:**

_"Kendall!" James's voice echoed through the flat as James came running in through the door, slamming it shut behind him._

_Kendall looked up from the magazine he was reading just in time as James pounced on top of him, tickling him mercilessly, "What are you so excited about?" Kendall said through laughs._

_James stopped tickling his younger friend. Turning serious now, he glanced around the room to make sure they were alone, "I met someone," he said quietly smiling._

_Kendall smiled back at the spark in James's eyes, "Oh? Is he cute?" he asked just as ecstatic as his band mate, "It is a he, right?"_

_"Of course it's a he," James replied, punching his arm lightly._

_"Well, aren't you going to tell me about it?"_

_"You want your gay band mate to tell you all about the hot guy he just met?"_

_"Why not?" Kendall replied without hesitation, "So is he cute? Hotter than you?"_

_James stopped for a moment blinking at the last question, "No one is hotter than James Diamond!" he exclaimed seeming to pull a mirror and his lucky comb out of thin air. Kendall rolled his eyes as he watched him comb a strand a hair across his forehead, smile at his reflection with a wink before returning his attention back on Kendall._

_"Well, is he at least hotter than me? What's his name? Where does he live?"_

_James smile failed as the reality hit him, "Sh!t, I don't know."_

_"You don't know if he's hotter than me?" Kendall teased._

_"Kendall, no ones hotter than you," The younger boy smiled at this, "Except for me! But, no I meant I forgot to ask him his name."_

_"Well, that doesn't seem right now does it?" Kendall pointed out, scratching his head, "How are you supposed to call him?"_

_"I gave him my number."_

_"Oh?"_

_"Yea, he's supposed to call…" James was interrupted as his phone began to vibrate. Picking it up, he looked at it, grinning widely, before shoving it in Kendall's face._

_"Unknown caller? Could that be the mystery man?" Kendall laughed. "Are you going to answer it or not?"_

_James went to press 'talk', but stopped for a moment, "Should I really do this?"_

_"Do what?"_

_"Go out with him?"_

_"James, it's just a phone call. Talk to him for a while, and if he's not a creeper then you can talk about actually going out."_

_"No, Kendall, I meant this… the whole…" His eyes shifted around the room before he lowered his voice and lean closer to Kendall, " gay thing?"_

_The phone beeped as the call ending, signaling that the mystery man had been forwarded to the voice mail._

_"Does it make you feel happy, James?" Kendall asked._

_James didn't even need time to think before nodding, "Yea."_

_"Then feel! Don't think!" Kendall replied, taking the phone from his best friend. He tapped the button for the missed calls lists, selecting the unknown number before handing it back to James._

"Where the hell is all this traffic coming from?" Carlos snapped Kendall out of his day dream, wailing the horn in the process, "C'mon! We have a big day a head of us!"

"Is there a traffic accident or something?" Kendall asked sticking his head out the window to try to see if he could see anything up a head. "It looks like it's dead stop from here to the other side of town," he said pulling himself back into the window.

"Logan's going to kill us if we're late! He was already bitching at me for waking up late."

"Well it's not like anything can happen till we get there! I have the rings after all," Kendall pointed out a he padded the front pocket of his jacket. He then padded the side pockets. Then his pants pockets, "F**k!" he shouted as he hastily flung open his jacket to check the pocket of his waist coat.

"Oh, Buddy, don't tell me…"

"I forgot the rings!" Kendall said in a panic, "James is going to kill me!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Author note: **thank you guys so much for reading. Only 2 more parts to go! I've already started working on a new fic, I'm just trying to figure out with pairing(s) to use. Hope you like the chapter.

**Part III:**

_"James, what are you doing? Everyone's out in the living room waiting."_

_James lied on the floor starring up at the ceiling of the now half empty room that he and Kendall had once shared. The room's contents were all now packed into boxes now piled up in the back of four separate moving vans. The only reminder that someone had once lived there were the outlines on the white walls where posters had once hung and the one lonely coat hanger that remained hanging in the equally empty closet._

_"Do we really have to move?" James finally answered as Kendall sat down beside him._

_"James, we're too famous for the Palmwoods now. Gastavo wants us to move on. I thought you were excited about the move."_

_James sighed, shielding his eyes with his arm, "I was, but I guess I thought that when we moved, we would all still be together, but now you and Katie got your own place and Carlos and Logan got their own place. Mama Knight moved backed to Minnesota, and I'm-"_

_"Moving in with the love of your life," Kendall finished for him. "Which was your idea to begin with, remember? If you're having second thoughts, you could always move in with me and Ka-"_

_"I'm not having second thoughts about moving in with him."_

_"We're still going to see each other every day for band rehearsals, writing sessions, interviews, photo shoots-"_

_"I know, I know, but it's not the same," James stopped him. "How are we going to play pranks on everyone now; turn the hot water off when Carlos's in the shower or disconnect the battery in Logan's car so it won't start or be awake at three in the morning when I need someone to talk too?"_

_"James, come here," Kendall insisted laying down beside him and holding out his arms. James looked at him for the first time since he entered the room. Sighing, he rolled over, curling himself into Kendall's side, laying his head on his chest as Kendall's arms wrapped around him protectively. "Better now?"_

_"Are we still moving?"_

_"James, me and Katie are only three houses up the street and Carlos and Logan will be right around the block. You can walk there anytime you want, or I can go to your house, plus you call me anytime, day or night, if you want to talk. I'll be here for you!"_

_"Anytime?"_

_"Anytime."_

_"Promise?"_

_"Cross my heart."_

_"I'm going to miss you, Kendall."_

_"I'll miss you even more, James," Kendall whispered, kissing the older boy's head. "More than you'll ever know."_

"We're here!" Carlos announced at last as they pulled up to the hotel. Kendall was quiet as the car cruised up to the front door, jumping out before the valet even arrived.

"Where the h*ll have you two been!" Logan was waiting on the front steps, ready to pounce, "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"We got stuck in traffic," Carlos answered honestly. Kendall was relieved that he left out the little detail about the rings.

"We were supposed to start fifteen minutes ago! James's been frantic trying to keep everyone entertained!"

"Logan relax! It wasn't our fault! We're here now, so would you please stop with the lecture and tell us where we're supposed to be," Carlos shouted back as the three of them made their way into the hotel lobby.

"You alright, Kendall?" Logan ignored the other man as he spotted the blond lagging behind. "You look a little pale."

Kendall shrugged, "I'm alright. It's just a big day and all! I guess the pressures finally getting to me."

"You're not going to puke or anything are you?"

Kendall chuckled softly, "No. I don't think so. I just need some air," he said turning around, intending to walk back out the door, but Logan caught his arm.

"Oh, no you don't! There are like two hundred people waiting in there and we all know James won't let us start with out you!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Author note: **Thank you guys for reading and for the reviews. One more part to go. I already posted the first chapter of my new fic, Hidden Journals. PLease check it out! It's much longer than this one full of drama, romance, and comedy! Still not sure of which pairings to use for it so if you have a favorite, please let me know :)

**Part IV:**

_"Kendall?" James's eyes were red and swollen, tear tracks glistened on his rosy cheeks in the porch light where he stood pounding on the door._

_"James, what happened?" Kendall's eyes widened at the sight he found when he opened the door._

_It had been over two years since the boys had moved out of the apartment and forced to live on their own. Since then, the band had run its course and the boys had went their separate ways. Logan was a pre-med Student at Stamford, Carlos became a model for one of the biggest sport gear manufacturers in California, James obtained a starring role on one of his favorite television shows and Kendall owned his own rink and was a Hockey coach for the local Pee wee Hockey league. Still, the boys managed to remain in walking distance of each other and made sure to meet up at least once a week to catch up with one another._

_"Come in, James, it's freezing out!" he demanded, noticing the lack of clothing the actor was wearing on such a cold autumn night._

_James nodded not saying a word as he let the younger boy lead him inside, "I'm sorry to wake you, but I forgot my key," James finally spoke as he sat down on the couch, Kendall covering him with a blanket to keep him warm before scurrying off into the kitchen to make him something warm to drink._

_He arrived back into the living room in less than five minutes, two cups of hot chocolate in his hands, "Here, this should warm you up," Kendall smiled, setting the mugs onto the coffee table before sitting beside his best friend. It was then he that he noticed the smell, "James, how much have you had to drink?"_

_James shrugged, "A lot I supposed."_

_"Do you want to talk about it?"_

_James was quiet for a moment before finally speaking, "We had a fight. I think- I think he broke up with me," he said the tears returning full force as he buried his head into his best friend's shoulder._

_"Oh, James, I'm so sorry," Kendall whispered as he wrapped his arms around James, gently stroking his hair in an effort to sooth him. "Tell me what happened?"_

_"He- um- he wanted me to quit the show and move to New York with him."_

_"He what?" Kendall blurted out in outrage that someone would even consider something so preposterous. James was living his dream. No way in hell would he let anyone take that away from his best friend or take his best friend away from him._

_"I told him no, of course. I could never leave you. Or the others," James assured him. "But he said he wanted a new start for us. He thinks I don't pay enough attention to him and that I spent too much time with you- and the guys- and that I didn't have enough time for him and we just started fighting about it and then I left."_

_"And went to a club, I suppose?"_

_James nodded into his shoulder, "What am I going to do, Kendall?" he asked. "If I move with him, I loose you, but if I don't move, I loose him."_

_Kendall was quiet as he pondered the situation. Of course to him the answer was obvious. No! The guys needed James. Hell, he needed James, but he knew how much James loved him. It wouldn't be right to force James to stay just for his own selfish needs._

_"What do you think I should do, Kendall?"_

_"I can't help you with this decision, James," the blond answered truthfully. "You have to follow your heart with this one. Maybe find some compromise where you wont have to choose."_

_James sniffed, nodding in agreement as he fell silent, allowing Kendall to just rock him back and forth in his arms. "Everything's, going to work out, James. You'll see," Kendall whispered into his hair kissing it gently as he continued to rock._

_They stayed like this for a while until the sobs subsided, James's breathing slowed and Kendall was sure that the older man had fallen a sleep. Wrapping the blanket around the two of them, Kendall laid himself down on the couch, pulling James down with him, still wrapped in his arms._

_He was just about to drift off into sleep himself when James's weary voice took him by surprised, "Kendall?"_

_"Yea, James?"_

_"Why can't you be gay?"_

_Kendall startled at this, but James didn't seem to budge as the older man simply just wrapped his arms around him tighter._

_"What do you mean, James?"_

_"We'd be perfect together, wouldn't we?"_

There was no need to respond, they both knew the answer. Instead Kendall lied awake, no interest in sleeping, instead just watching James slumber as his soft snores replaced the silence.

That was the last day Kendall had ever held James.

The next morning, James received a phone call, from him. He apologized about everything, they reached a compromise, one thing led to another and now there he was.

James was pacing the room as the he entered, Logan and Carlos a head of him, while he hung back.

He had lied to Logan. He wasn't fine. He felt sick. He needed to puke. His head was spinning and seeing James there, dressed in his tux, a smile on his face as his eyes met his only made it worse.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author Note: **Here's the final part! Thank you guys so much for reading and commenting! and please check out my new BTR fic, Hidden Journals!

**Part V:**

"Kendall!" James shouted happily, his arms opened wide as he crossed the room.

Kendall just stood there, his hands in his pockets as his best friend wrapped his arms around him, not even bothering to return the friendly gesture.

"Kendall?" James asked pulling away trying to meet the blonde's eye but Kendall turned his head to the side. "You alright?"

The blond sighed shaking his head, "I'm sorry James," he said quietly, still refusing to look at him as he turned and hurried from the room leaving his best friend dazed and confused.

"Kendall!"

"Buddy!"

Logan and Carlos called after him, but he kept walking the tears welling up in his eyes the farther away he ran.

He ran through the lobby pushing through the crowd of angered guest not bothering to apologize, but he kept running.

Finally he inhaled the fresh air of the outdoors. He thought this is what he needed yet he still couldn't breath. He felt like someone had punched him in his chest knocking the wind right out of him.

He panted as he bent forward, his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. He wasn't running, yet it felt like he had just completed a marathon.

With a need to keep running, he stood up straight and looked around. The valets were watching him intently along with a bell man and a few guests. He ignored them, his need to escape far greater than a need to impress these strangers.

"Can I get your car for you, sir?" a valet finally asked.

Kendall began to nod, but upon realizing that he had came with Carlos shook his head 'no', before continuing down the stone steps.

He had been to this hotel before. If he remembered correctly there was a garden in the back with a rather large Koi pond. Perhaps taking some time to himself will make the nausea go away.

He followed a stone path that wound around the small country inn, bringing him straight through a white picket fence into the garden. Being early spring, it was absolutely beautiful with flowers in bloom, birds singing in the trees, but the beauty is not why he came here.

It was peaceful, quiet, and desolate. There was not a soul in sight. The only sound other than the songs of the birds, were that of running water that trickled through a small fountain in the center of the Koi Pond.

Though there were benches all around, he found himself sitting in the grass, his back propped up against a big oak tree completely ignoring the 'Keep of the grass' signs. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he wrapped his arms around them and let himself go.

He didn't care anymore. Nothing could be worse than what was going on inside. Without him.

Or so he thought.

"Kendall?"

"Please, James. Just leave me alone," Kendall begged, not even bothering to look up at the brunette who was kneeling in front of him. "Don't you have a wedding your supposed to be at."

"How do you expect me to get married when you're out here," James said softly, placing his hands on top of Kendall's. The younger boy was shaking and it wasn't from being cold. It was a fairly warm day for early May.

A sudden thought dawned on Kendall as he began shuffling, causing James to back up, holding out his hand as he expected Kendall to take it, but instead he was met with a small velvet box, "Here's your rings," the blond sniffed, curling back into his original position.

"Screw the rings!" James growled, throwing them to the side. "Kendall, talk to me."

"Just go James. You don't need me."

"Kendall, you know that's not true," James said sternly as he sat beside his best friend, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. The younger boy attempted to shrug it off, but James only held on tighter, "You know I need you more than anyone else in this world, now tell me what's wrong?"

Kendall shook his head, "I can't, James. I can't.'

"Did you do something wrong? Is Mama Knight and Katie alright?" James desperately tried to decipher his emotions.

"They're fine. They're probably already inside waiting for you."

"Then please just tell me what's wrong?"

"I can't!"

"Kendall you're my best friend! We tell each other everything!"

"I can't tell you this, James. It will ruin everything!" James was taken back by this confession. "I'm sorry. It's best if you just go on with out me. I can't be there. I tried, but I can't."

"Did he do something? Say something to you?" James said referring to his fiancé. He knew Kendall never liked using his name. He never understood why, but it was Kendall, so he never questioned it.

"No," Kendall answered, his tears falling freely down his pale cheeks.

"Then what is it?"

"It's me, James! I'm the problem!" Kendall shouted looking up for the first time, his face bright red and blotchy from the spilt tears, "I can't be in there. I can't stand by and watch him marry you. I tried to be there for you, I did and I know I'm being selfish, but it just hurts, James. It hurts!"

"What hurts, Kendall? James asked cautiously, he never seen his best friend this upset, he still couldn't understand why he was acting this way.

"Seeing you with _him_. The way you look at _him_. The way you touch _him_, and now you're going to be with _him_ forever, and all I can think about is that it should be **me**! I should be the one waiting for you at the end of the aisle. I should be the one you look at like you couldn't live another day without me. I should be the one you be with forever. I'm your best friend, James. You're my soul mate. I love you," Kendall cried out, releasing several years of pent up feelings that he no longer had the strength to hold in. "I'm sorry, James. I tried to fight it, but I can't. I'm in love with **you**!"

Kendall's vision was blurry from tears, his body shook uncontrollably, his head spinning faster than ever as his heart pounded so loud, that it blocked out his hearing. It felt like forever that he sat there, starring into the hazel eyes of the man he had just confessed his feelings to, waiting for a response.

Any response.

But James just sat there, mouth a gap, starring back at Kendall.

"James?" Kendall pleaded.

"I'm sorry, Kendall," James apologized.

Kendall closed his eyes, he could feel his sobs returning full force, but before they could drag him back down, they were gone.

His tears, his cries, his trembling, all swept away as if they had never happened.

It was then he felt them. James's hands fisted in his jacket as the older boy pulled him into him, crashing their lips together.

It was a feeling like nothing Kendall had ever felt before. It was relief, it was need, it was want, it was forever, all wrapped in one little package.

The kiss was short, messy and desperate. Kendall could taste the saltiness of his tears mingling with that undeniable taste that was James upon his lips.

It was too soon when James pulled away, but his hands remained on Kendall, "I'm sorry I never noticed you felt this way," he clarified his previous remark, his forehead resting against Kendall's as he stared lovingly into the younger boy's glossy eyes.

Kendall was smiling for the first time in weeks, his grin so wide, he felt like his face was going to split apart, but he didn't care, "I thought you were in love with- _him_," Kendall spit the last word out in distaste.

Without warning James pressed his lips against Kendall's once more. This time the kiss was gentle, soft, and tender, "There's no one in this world I love more than you, Kendall Knight," James confessed when they pulled apart.

Kendall smiled wrapping his arms around James's neck holding him close until James pulled away, "But I got to go do this."

Kendall frowned in confusion, as he watched the older boy untangle himself from the blond, getting to his feet, before brushing himself off.

"James?" Kendall asked, getting to his feet himself, tears stinging the back of his eyes as he watched James start to walk away. He stopped a few feet away picking up the velvet box he had earlier tossed carelessly away and turned it over in his hand before stuffing it into his pocket. He then pulled out something and tossed it to Kendall who stared at it in confusion. A small red numbered ticket.

A valet ticket.

"I'll meet you out front in five minutes," James explained with a smile. "I have a wedding to cancel!"


End file.
